Okay, so day in and day out as a mom, we do the same things over and over and over again. I'm so used to this, right, that it doesn't even phase me most of the time how truly insanely crazy having two two year olds can be. I just do what I have to do to keep bringing my world back to center and to peace and calm. (Or at least thats my goal.) Then days like today I step back and look at everything it takes because I guess I'm searching to validate that I'm actually accomplishing something because I have been working so very hard and yet nothing in my world would indicate this and everything seems to be falling apart.
It took me over an hour to finish my email to my sister on her mission while she was online. I was hoping to correspond a few times before she got off. Well, every other sentence I typed I was up taking care of: messes, fights over a stool, over cookies, over chicken nuggets, and who got to hold the sprayer while the other scrubbed dishes. (They really think they can do dishes.) All I want is to say hi to my sister, because its been 6 weeks since I have. So I weigh the costs, and then decide that I'm willing to clean up the water mess if it means sending my sister some support. Heck, the kitchen needs to be mopped anyway.
So, they're done "doing dishes" and they start taking their pull-ups off. I'm not really potty training I'm just exploring it with them. Maybe its not a good idea, yet. So anyway, they're stripping down, so I set Jamesen on the toilet and quickly walk away to help Josh who's trying to get undressed too. I'm thinking Jamesen's done because he's standing up to the counter pushing the soap dispenser down, making a mess all over my newly cleaned sink. As I'm rinsing that, he takes his still soapy hand and smears soap all over the mirror. "Uhhh, stop!" I set him down as Josh decides he wants to sit on the potty. Mind you, all day I've been maintain great emotional distance from the previous events we've encountered, and I'm being patient and using calm mental feedback in my head. So, I put Josh up and let him try while I finished rinsing and drying Jamesens hands. By now Josh is already off and starting to do the same thing with the soap that his brother just did. So I hang the towel and work with Josh for a second. When we finished washing I set him down and looked for Jamesen who was proceeding to pee all over the tile just outside the bathroom. I'm saying to Jamesen that thats pee and it goes in the toilet or a diaper, as kindly as possible with a tone of "STOP IT"! I don't want to ruin potty training. Trust me, today was a "kind mommy day." I'm trying hard not always yell, but be more soft spoken. In the background Josh is demanding I dry his hands "ALL wet, Mommy, all wet. Dry et. Dry et." He'll have to wait because Jamesen gets that he shouldn't have done what he did right there so he's trying to make it right (as I'm grabbing the sani wipes) by spreading pee all over the tile, splashing it up on to walls saturating his hand in it. No concern whatsoever. He's just helping mom out. All the while Josh is freaking out about his clean hands, not Jamesen in pee coated fingers.
After a very short letter and a long hour later I finally had to hit send on my letter. It was in sending this email that I could calculate what time I got online with my sister and I realized this: When you become a mom to more than a few small children anything that used to take 10-15 minutes will now typically take over an hour. This seems to not be right. Aren't I doing the most important work on this earth. Being a mom. Why am I spending so much time doing damage control! Yeah you could think "That wouldn't happen to me because I'm so on top of my kids, but seriously, I was right there for all of it.
I'm not searching for sympathy or kudos, or anything except to document this that I might remember and have gratitude for someday. Someday for when things change, for someday when I miss these days, for someday when I'm being sentimental and sad for the days gone by. Then, maybe I'll read and recall a glimpse of my past. I truly comprehend it not always being this way.
My mom tells me a story of a much older woman who had finished raising a large family. This woman spoke in stake conference about raising her family. My mom was in the thick of those years of raising her large family. The woman gave a comment that her kids never gave her "a lick of trouble." My wise mother did not believe her, she just believe her memory had been kind to her.
That is why I am here to say to all you moms out there. . . You must be amazing! You have to be. Even us who seem so very ordinary and unamazing and uncapable. You are the very most amazingly accomplished women. Heck, you cook dinner, get laundry washed, pay bills, hope to decorate that area of your home to bring something new to your space, you put sunscreen on your kids, read them books, mop your floors, and get to cleaning the bathrooms once in a while. You try hard to teach them good behavior thus hoping to hide your weakness as a mother when really they were born with such strong spirits and we're working so hard to mold them into such wonderful and delightful humans and you've done such a good job, really-just not everyone will ee it. You make sure they brush their teeth and say prayers. You pray for guidance for when those teaching moments come- and that you'll recongnize it when it hits ya. Then there's being there for your husband when he needs your support. And we haven't even covered your needs. You have 'em don't you-or at least you used to. Also there's keeping yourself somewhat presentable and refreshing so you can drop off a casserole to a friend who just had a baby. Or for the off chance you may run in to someone you know when you do a last minute run to the store.
Everyone else seems to do their lives with simple effort. Really underneath, some of us use great motivation to accomplish all that must be done. Along with all that we'd like to do.
Another lady once told me each child brings 24 hours of work a day with them. I thought she was over dramatic. Gosh, my mother raised nine so whats her problem. Ohhhh, I now comprehend her statement.
So kudo's to each and every mother under the sun who cares about succeeding at her precious role. It is a most priceless time in your life. You are striving. You have infinite worth and you have your own divine mission which you are striving to fulfill.
So this is where my thinking outloud leads. We are all of great worth. Just hang in there. You will succeed 198% Guaranteed.
4 comments:
All I can say is ditto! And one little note, you too are amazing. Always have been, always will be. And the way you handled that pee situation required more self control that I could ever have mustered! I bow down to every mom.I tell my husband that many in his profession are labeled heroes, and rightfully so. But our profession is not even considered one, although what we do on a daily basis would probably humble even the best cop out there! Oh and your story reminds me of one of my first ever blogs. It is called Not Quite Mother of the Year Material and can be found in my 2007 posts. I think it is like the 3rd one maybe? Not sure if you have read it, but if not it will really echo all that you have posted here!!
Thanks Debbie, that makes me feel that my life isn't all that unusual. I know where you're at girl, and it's not easy, but you're doing your best and that's all the Lord asks right?
My boys are still potty training, they do really well most of the time, but I'll tell ya, I never thought I would ever have to clean so much poop in my life! If you took a picture of my daily activities and made posters for High School hall ways, I think we would have a lot less teen pregnancies. Hee, hee, I love you Debbie, hang in there, you're doing awesome, and you are not alone.
Amen. You are a good writer, Debbie. I feel exactly the same way most days. It doesn't come naturally for me to be patient and sweet all of the time or to even want to climb out of bed some mornings to start mothering.
It was fun to "hear" from you on my blog and even more fun to look at your blog. Your boys are cute. You are a busy Momma!
Debbie, that was awesome! With my twins only 5 mos. life is already crazy, hectic, fun, and everything all in one. Your post gave me an insight into what I have to come. You are such a cute, sweet, amazing woman, and I wish I could see you and your family more often. I've realized lately that we, as mothers, have the hardest and best job in the entire world. I realize that I need to enjoy the moment more and laugh about it more. Hope all is well. Love and miss you.
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