I love opportunities especially if they involve new friends, old friends, and my family. I have a deep feeling of gratitude for all my blessings. I am completely content with much of my life.
I really do love life. I do.
But not today. Every once in a while. I do not love it all. Maybe I endure it all. I feel like I'm in that place in Dr. Suess' book. It all sounds great and sing songy and positive for those first few pages...."Oh the places you'll go." but I'm at the "except when you don't because sometimes you won't" place.
I'm in the "WAITING PLACE".
Lifes hard, sometimes very lonely, and exhausting and discouraging. I don't know how all this piled up into my whole one FRIDAY! But it did. Well, it really started yesterday, when my little sister left after a week with us. Gosh, I miss family. I feel like I had a little taste of chocolate and forgot how satisfying it is and my addiction is taking over...except I can't have anymore chocolate for quite some time. Now time for the withdrawal symptoms.
To make matters worse. I really can't find either of my phones. Further exponentiating my feeling alone and away from all that is dear to me. My family. I just want to sit in my parents livingroom and chat with my dad.
Or play their piano while kids run outside and dig deep holes in grandpa's garden. 
Or stay up later than is good for either of us, and talk deep talks with my mom.
Life just becomes very simple and stress free when I walk in the door at "home". Its peaceful and HOME. Missing it today. Need it today. Wish I could drive an hour and be there. Like it used to take. (Not the 29 hours that Mapquest claims it would take.)
So I'm existing in this moment until I have the courage to let it go and keep moving on with life.
10 comments:
Oh, sweet Debbie...
It's OK to wallow for a while. It is REALLY hard to be away from family. Be sad.
I'm sorry you're feeling lonely and I'll say a prayer that your phones will turn up.
I'm so sorry that your heart is aching! I hope tomorrow is better! XOXOX
Deb! I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better... but there really isn't. I know exactly how you feel since I don't have any of "my" family anywhere close. We miss you tremendously too!!!
Here's to hope that one day (hopefully sooner than later) you guys will be ably to be close again!
I know what it's like to just "exist." It was really hard for what seemed like a really long, long time. I won't say it gets better, but it does get easier. You will always long to be closer to your family, you will always have moments when you just want to, and maybe should, cry, you will always be sad that you are so far away, but it will get easier. That much I know.
Oh man do I know that feeling! There really is "no place like home", and I've come to realize that THAT is ok! It's ok to miss family, and it's ok to show it. I always that I needed to show that I was tough enough to do it, but I realize that doing that just makes it worse. Although we can't replace family, we can help each other through the tougher times! You are always more than welcome to come chill on my couch, and you can know that I totally will understand!
I am glad that I'm not the only one that goes through a mourning process after a big event, like a visit with my family. It's like all the excitement leaves you feeling empty. I guess all you can do is survive it, like you said. And find the next thing to look forward to.
I wish I would have read this on Friday, because I would have called my favorite cousin. okay, I may have a few favorites, just so no one is offended. Truly, Debbie, it would be so fun to talk. I will call sometime in the next few days. I think you are amazing at handling the emotions of it all. You just understand it and you are honest about it. I tend to be less healthy about it. I am a mess for a week before I see my family, because I don't want to let myself enjoy it too much, so I try to find reasons to hate it, just so the crash won't hurt so badly. Like my freshman year in college, I kept putting off my first visit home, because I knew I could keep telling myself that I was so happy, unless I went home for the weekend, then I knew I would never want to come back. I am impressed at your honesty and upfront way of dealing with it all. Good Job!!!
Oh, my dear, how we love you and wish that you could be home! I am so glad that you enjoy those long talks...I love them too. I wish I dared call you right now but it's 3 a.m. in Texas so I'd better not!
Tomorrow we move my Mom from the hospital to the nursing home. My guess is that she is longing for her heavenly home. I think we need to take every opportunity to let her know we love her while we have the chance. Mom
I love you Debbie, and I know exactly how you feel....hang in there!
I have those "moments" and "days" too! It is hard to be so far from home! Just today I was looking at my Christmas tree and remembering my childhood: I would get a mug of hot chocolate and sit in front of the tree looking at it for what seemed like hours. I thought to myself "Why don't I do that now?" And my answer was, I am too tired after doing all that must be done and I don't have that kind of time to waste. Plus, it just wouldn't be the same as "home". I am sending you a big warm hug!!
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